Shawn Johnson is Chuck Norris PART 2!

Shawn Johnson's tears cure cancer. Too bad she has never cried.

Shawn Johnson doesn't read books. She stares them down until she gets the information she wants.

Shawn Johnson built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Shawn met all three bullets with her bare hands, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.

There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Shawn Johnson.

Shawn Johnson is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for her left and right legs.

It was once believed that Shawn Johnson actually lost a fight to a pirate, but that is a lie, created by Shawn Johnson herself to lure more pirates to her. Pirates never were very smart.

If paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beats paper, what beats all 3 at the same time? Answer: Shawn Johnson.

If you can see Shawn Johnson, she can see you. If you can't see Shawn Johnson, you may be only seconds away from death.

On the 7th day, God rested.... Shawn Johnson took over.

Although it is not common knowledge, there are actually three sides to the Force: the light side, the dark side, and Shawn Johnson.

If you want a list of Shawn Johnson's enemies, just check the extinct species list.

If Superman and The Flash were to race to the edge of space you know who would win? Shawn Johnson.

Some people wear Superman pajamas to bed. Superman wears Shawn Johnson pajamas to bed.

Shawn Johnson does not use spell check. If she happens to misspell a word, Oxford will simply change the actual spelling of it.

Shawn Johnson knows where Carmen Sandiego is.

There is no such thing as tornados. Shawn Johnson just hates trailer parks.

Shawn Johnson is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

When the Boogeyman goes to bed he checks his closet for Shawn Johnson.

Shawn Johnson can slam a revolving door.

Shawn Johnson has counted to infinity. Twice.

When Shawn Johnson does a pushup, she isn’t lifting herself up, she’s pushing the Earth down.

Shawn Johnson does not get frostbite. Shawn Johnson bites frost.

Shawn Johnson can kill two stones with one bird.